I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
