How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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