please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
