do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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