im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
