Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
