During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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