Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
