And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
