I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize