i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
