Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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