I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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