Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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