thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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