I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize