Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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