Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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