Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
