Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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