I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
