i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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