a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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