Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
