I wish life had little blips of pornography
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
