Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
