Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
