One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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