So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
