We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
