She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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