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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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