At least make sure they are 18
Why
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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