i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
