Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
birth control should be required to get into college
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
