oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
