1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize