About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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