And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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