Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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