In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
