Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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