My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
