No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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