ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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