watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
