I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
