I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
