I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
