the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
