if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
