So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
