Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
