dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
