In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
