Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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