I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
