i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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