The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
