what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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