We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
