You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
