Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
