It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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