I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
