You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
