i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
