So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
