What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
