That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
