that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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