That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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