id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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