How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
