He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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