They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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