Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
