HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
