in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
