I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
