I think my vagina is haunted
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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