i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
